Parenting: Cultivating Gratitude to Give Meaning in Challenging Times

What is gratitude and why is it important?

So, what is gratitude? Gratitude is a feeling of thankfulness. It's a sense of appreciation for the things, experiences, people that we have in our lives. Why is it important? It's important because it helps us feel good. Research shows that expressing gratitude to others is associated with improved mood, happiness and a sense of wellbeing. Research also shows that expressing gratitude is good for our relationships. When we express gratitude to others, we have stronger social connections. Expressing gratitude is a tool that we have in our toolkit to help us feel better. That's why it's important.

How do we cultivate gratitude?

The good news is that gratitude is a skill. And like any skill we can practice and get better at it. And like any skill it's important to find a regular time to practice it. So, first step is to think about when might you practice gratitude. At nighttime before bed? Or in the morning when you get up or before dinner time? Finding a regular time to practice your gratitude is important. And what does gratitude practice involve? It can be as simple as reflecting on and thinking about people, places, times, experiences that you're thankful for and reflecting and being mindful and thankful for those experiences. We can also write those gratitude thoughts down. Get a post-it note write down three things that you're thankful for that happened in the course of your day. And writing it down and doing so regularly. We can also express and communicate our gratitude as simple as saying thank you and being meaningful and intentional in how we express gratitude to others. Thanking them for a particular kindness. Making it a point throughout our day to verbalize our thanks and express our gratitude. We can also write it down a thank you note, a thank you card, a thank you letter. Research shows that you don't even need to send the letter to experience the mental health boost of the gratitude practice. Sending the letter however, also has the added benefit of strengthening a relationship. So expressing to someone how thankful you are, that you care about them, and that you're grateful for their kindness. And expressing that can have additional benefit. Another way to express gratitude is online. Writing an online review, thanking a server or a business, a small business, a merchant. Writing a favorable and thankful review. We know that online reviews can often express this satisfaction, but making a point to write a positive thankful review for service. And putting that and posting that online. And finally, for some, another way to express gratitude is through prayer or religious practice. Gratitude and grace come from the same origin, the same word origin. And extending grace and extending thanks and showing thanks and counting our blessings may be a helpful way to practice gratitude for many.

What are ways to grow gratitude as a family?

Parents will often ask, how can I grow gratitude in my family? How can we cultivate a family gratitude practice? It's a great question. And the thing to remember is that gratitude is a skill that we can get better at it as individuals and also as a family. And the first step is to remember, well, how do kids learn? Kids learn by observing. They learn by watching the adults and other caregivers in their lives. So a first step in creating a family practice is for parents to model their own gratitude practice. And express how they give thanks and show gratitude. And talking out loud and saying, hey, sending so-and-so a thank you note because they were really kind to me and I really want them to know that. So modeling gratitude, saying thank you to server, saying thank you to those who help and modeling that for kids. Another way is to practice together as a family. Finding a regular time to notice, finding a regular time to notice things to be thankful for. It could be dinner time, could be before bedtime and taking turns expressing thanks and gratitude for something that happened in the course of the day. Another is to have a gratitude wall. Throw up a sticky sheet of paper on the wall and write down different things that you were grateful for in the course of that day. And you can make it fun and creative too. Another way that kids learn is through reinforcement. So positively reinforcement. Giving kids specific labeled praise. You know, I saw you say thank you to the doorman earlier, and that was really great, I'm sure it made him feel good. So giving kids specific label praise that encourage when they have shown gratitude. We also know that gratitude journals are very popular. So perhaps creating a gratitude journal, a family gratitude journal that have different prompts in them that sometimes makes it easy. Another way to make it easy is have a gratitude station. Have a set of thank you cards and some stickers and a marker, and have it ready to go and show kids that, hey, you know, so-and-so was really nice ally. I'm gonna send them a quick note and have a gratitude stations so that it takes the, the labor out of it, stamps in everything. And it makes it easy and ready to go. Another way is to make it fun. Having fun as a family, a gratitude scrap scavenger hunt. So everyone gets to grab something that they're grateful for and to bring in and to talk about it. There are different and creative ways that families can show and create gratitude practice.

What should we be mindful of with gratitude?

Practicing gratitude gives us the opportunity to focus our attention on what we have and to give meaning to sometimes challenging times. It doesn't take away from those challenging times. And we wanna be careful to not invalidate or dismiss difficult feelings. For example, if a child says, well this situation stinks and I don't wanna be home. We don't wanna say, we'll be grateful that you have a home. That's not the opportunity to practice gratitude in that moment. It's an opportunity to validate that these are challenging times and that there are hard feelings associated with those times. Another time, you can practice gratitude and help the child focus on what they may have or what might they may be thankful for. We don't wanna use the gratitude practice to invalidate those particular feelings. Like other aspects, finding joy, finding hope, finding gratitude are things that we can practice. And that aid us in terms of making meaning of challenging experiences like we're experiencing now.